


Can I Get A Baconator?

by Anonymous



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Fast Food, Food Sex, Other, That’s probably for this best, UPDATE SEPHROTH GETS JIGGY WITH HAM, as In he has sex with the food, i cannot think of what to tag this on god, im not sorry, im still not sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:34:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Gladio gets hungry in the middle of the night and makes a series of mistakes.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

The small room was dark and quiet, aside from Noctis’ lawnmower like snoring and the artificial orange light ever so slightly illuminating the room from under the dingy curtains. Gladio sat at the edge of his hotel bed, eyes weary and his body restless. He stood up and rubbed his eyes, cursing how demanding his body could be under his breath.

It wasn’t that he had to go to the bathroom, and he sure as shit didn’t have unburnt energy.

He was just really fucking hungry.

When the room had been booked Gladio had lugged his roadtrip heavy body to the first bed he didn’t see Noctis in and collapsed, maybe only getting an hours worth of sleep before his stomach rumbled the burly man awake. They had no food as the day had been eventful, and not even Iggy was willing to stay up to whip up a quick meal.

Gladio remembered seeing a Wendy’s not that long before Ignis pulled up to the hotel. Luckily for him the Regalia’s keys were always left to Noctis, making it as simple as grabbing the keys off Noct’s nightstand.

He stepped out of the lobby heading to the Regalia, relieved with the bright Wendy’s sign was much closer that it was according to his memory. So it was simple enough, drive the maybe 3 minute drive to the drive-thru, order a baconator and fries and drive back. But instead of eating in the room, Gladiolus figured it would be better to not disturb the prince’s rest and demolish the food in the car, which would upset Ignis if he were to see.

He got half way into the fries before an equally surprising and annoying problem arised.

Maybe it was the several days of constantly being in a room with another man that had pent him up so much that, in the middle of eating fries, his libido had decide now would be a fine time to pop a boner. This isn’t optimal, but it’s doable. He looked out either side of the car, the parking lot was full, but the car owners were very much inside and asleep.

Now's a good time as any other.

Sucking off the oil and salt off of his main hand he shimmied his sweatpants and boxers down with the off hand. deeming his hand clean enough he spit onto is palm and took himself into his hand, smearing his spit over his shaft as a close enough lubricant. A groan rumbled in his throat as he started to properly work himself, his thumb pointed upward so that the digit would brush against the head of his cock as he stroked up his length.

He was hoping this would be a quick process, especially since he hadn’t touched himself in weeks, but after the ten minute mark it was proving difficult no matter how long he closed his eyes.

Then an idea born of relentless horniness and mind numbing exhaustion sprung to mind.

Shoving his hand into the grease stained paper bag he pulled out the equally grease stained wrapper covered burger, and unwrapped it with a disgusting desperation he never imagined he would have with a Wendy’s menu item. He bore his eyes into it, questioning if he was actually going to do this in a hotel parking lot in the middle of the night.

Yeah, unfortunately.

Gladio pried the cheese and bacon covered patties apart and sandwiched his dick between the halves, holding them together with one hand and started his ministrations up again and oh my god a burger shouldn’t feel this fucking good. He threw his head back and cussed under his breath, the royal shield bucked his hips into the meat instinctively. 

The baconator already brought him embarrassingly close, something about the warmth of the patties and the odd texture of the cheese and bacon satisfied whatever his hand wasn’t giving him. Gladio gripped the seat behind him and pulled the burger over the head of his cock, filling the baconator with a week’s worth of cum. Of which spilled outside of the food item and down his shaft.

Pulling the violated burger off of himself he sat and came down from his unfortunate high, struggling to process that he did in fact creampied a Wendy’s baconator. 

...He would feel bad if he wasted it though.

Ignoring that his own fluid was visible out the sides of the burger, Gladiolus still thought the food item was intact enough to be able to eat and took a healthy bite out of it. He quickly knew this was a mistake when he felt his fries threaten to come back up and urgently spitting it back out into the bag along with the soiled burger.

At least he still has some fries leftover.


	2. A Not So Silent Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even beasts of unimaginable power crave a good release now and again, and Sephiroth was no exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so quarantine is kicking my ass, just came down from a high and I cant sleep so you get this work of art from me yet again, im sorry for any emotional damage this causes, but just know you're the one who clicked on it.

Due to the current unrest of lower sectors of midgar, halloween is often celebrated in-doors with family. And as all holidays do, ham is a must have for all impoverished midgar family's.

And this year is no exception.

Warm sat a family inside their ramshackle home, smiling and bonding among family and friends around the dinner table sure to make a warm and loving memory soon to be a bygone to reminisce on.

Or, at least it would have been. With unprecedented speed and strength a blur blew through their roof, a mysterious man with a katana had impaled their perfect holiday ham. Children begin to cry and huddle to their parent whilst the the adults look on in shock and abject horror at the lather clad man.

Piercing blue eyes bore into each and single one of them before he stood straight and raised his hands into the air with the ham with them. "Do not worry," His voice was unnervingly calm "soon the cut of meat will be part of the planet's energy."

With that, he ascended effortlessly through the very hole he busted into the family's home, almost angelically so before fading into the darkness.

Soon his black boots cause the waterlogged grass of a far and empty grass plain squelch below him, the noise accompanied by his occasional snicker. He stood tall dark and ominous in the pouring rain staring up at the aggressively black clouds obscuring the moon and stars above him, stroking the cured loaf of what once was a pig's leg.

Lowering his head back down to gaze upon his future carnal desire, gloved fingers teased the hole stabbed in into the dinner before he slid two of his fingers in and scissored the ham open. Sephiroth licked his lips slowly as he opted to prop the meat on his chest so that he can get a better angle and view.

He groaned with a pleasure never felt before, the one winged angel gazed upon the work he was doing go the ham, its flavorful juices leaking onto his fingers as he enthusiastically prepared the pork.

Pulling out of the ham he inserted his dirtied fingers into his mouth to savor its savory fluids. Pleased with his work he unbuckled his belt and let his second blade hit the cool rain.

He pressed into the ham to coax more juice onto his hand and fingers to work as lubrication to stroke his currently flaccid member. Bringing the ham to his mouth with his free hand he began to lap and suck on the hole he willed into the ham as if he were performing cunnalingus. 

This very quickly aroused him to the point he needed, he held the ham gingerly in both hands. Sephiroth hushed the ham while running his hand around the curve of the meal before positioning it in line with his massive erection, slowly pressing his length into the small hole.

The sheer girth of his cock was enough to widen the small slit even further than his initial fingering had done whilst he slowly and agonizing slid his cock in, he threw his head back and cussed the ham as if his life depended on it- a loud moan slipping from his lips as the ham succumbed to his lust. He and the ham were the only beings who mattered in this moment, its warm, tender, and juicy walls hugged magnificent member while he slowly, and passionately thrusted into his first and only lover.

He moaned and huffed openly onto the rain, his cries of passion cut through the rain smashing into the ground as his legs begin to buckle. He soon began fucking the ham with such vigor his pelvis slammed into the flesh of the dinner making claps echo into the open air.

Sephiroth soon begins to hit is peak "yes… YES!" He yelled out once he hit his climax, his MIGHTY ROPES OF CUM shot through the ham and onto the grass, and before he was done he pulled out of his lover and ejaculated on it- covering in thick ropes.

"Ah, now that's what I call a glaze."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plenty of ideas but If you have any feel free to drop them just lmk if you would want credit, feel free to go off or final fantasy too, just no minors plzzzz

**Author's Note:**

> No I won’t apologize


End file.
